Hello folks who wonder if every fig we eat is secretly a wasp graveyard,

Most people, when asked about figs, tend to think of them only as a cheese board accompaniment. It's unfortunate that a fruit with such a rich history is often relegated to a mere sidekick to cheese.


We live in a world that is often obsessed with external beauty, yet we rarely take the time to appreciate the beauty that lies within.

One a side note, have you ever observed the people that preach about inner beauty are always the unattractive ones of the bunch. I just checkmated myself, damn! 😐

The point I'm making is that when asked about their favorite wildflowers, people tend to immediately mention only the flashiest and most colorful ones.


And what truly saddens me is that not a single person ever mentions figs—it makes me cry myself to sleep every night.


Figs enclose their flower clusters inside a unique structure (the syconium), unlike plants with external flowers. This makes the flowers invisible and inaccessible to most pollinators through the tiny entrance. Essentially, the fig "fruit" is this syconium structure, full of inverted flowers.


The figs I came across during my India trip were Cluster Figs, called so because they like to cluster together and grow directly from the trunk. Below is how they looked like.


So our story starts with a female fig wasp emerging from her room. She sees the light at the end of the tunnel and walks toward it. She has some pollen on her dress, but she doesn’t care about it, so she won’t brush it off. Once she reaches the other side of the tunnel, the whole world opens up for her. At this point, she has really ambitious plans—she wants to travel the world, go backpacking in Spain, stay in a hostel, post hourly Instagram stories, and do TikTok dances. You go, girl! (Don’t judge me—I like to live vicariously through this wasp!)

Don't forget to use filters on your Instagram posts!

Shortly into her first flight, she begins to feel queasy and ends up vomiting on a sidewalk. Remembering from her TikTok feed that morning sickness can be caused by pregnancy, she decides to get a pregnancy test from the nearest CVS Pharmacy. The test returns a positive result, indicating that she is pregnant, even though she can’t recall any flings since emerging from her room.

Never mind those plans—she hopes her progeny can live her dreams. So she sneaks into a tiny opening in a fruit where she can keep her eggs safe from predators. The hole is quite tight, and as she squeezes in, she loses her wings. Once inside, she finds a good spot among the flowers and lays her eggs there. Unbeknownst to her, the pollen on her dress from when she emerged pollinates the flowers. Exhausted after laying her eggs, she ultimately succumbs to fatigue.

Not all the eggs she laid are equal. On one side, she laid eggs that will hatch into males, and on the other side, all the eggs will hatch into females. The act of oviposition causes the flowers to develop galls, which are abnormal growths used to house baby insects. I have covered this topic in previous posts such as Those who don't jump will never fly and Quality and free child care!!! Where do I sign up?

The males hatch first by chewing their way out of their galls. With poorly developed eyesight, they rely on scent and touch to locate female fig wasps—which may even be their own sisters. Yes, this is a form of inbreeding reminiscent of European royal families. Don't judge—after all, they aim to keep their bloodline pure, and who are we to interfere?

Here are several males who are trying to emerge at the same time.



Want a closer look at the handsome males? Don't worry—I’ve got you covered. You can barely make out their poorly developed eyes, which might explain why they mate with their sisters—a result of generations of inbreeding, if you ask me.


Since the males must mate with their sisters, they are equipped with exceptionally long, telescoping penises. This unique adaptation means they don't feel any shame about incest, since they do not need to make eye contact with their sisters while mating.


After mating with the females, the males chew their way out of the fig syconium, leaving holes near the ostiole—the same entrance through which their mothers entered. Once they exit, they quickly die. Their job is done; they've passed on their genes and cleared the way for their sisters.

Below is a dead male outside the chewed tunnel, with female worker ants seemingly wondering who this tiny male is—and why he's carrying such a large 'conceal carry' package.


The first time I saw the male fig wasp, I immediately wondered: Does he even wear underpants, given that his penis is half his body size? Or does he just wear pants?


Sorry, I got distracted for a moment. Okay, after the males carve a tunnel from the fig 'fruit,' the females emerge shortly afterward, ready to travel the world. Only you and I know what will happen to her travel plans once she leaves her childhood home. 

Also, notice the holes from the galls—those are where all the male and female wasps emerged.


But, as with most things in life, there are always cheaters. The honorable approach is to enter the fig through its ostiole, ultimately sacrificing your life to lay your eggs and pollinate the flowers within the syconium. However, some wasps have evolved extremely long ovipositors that allow them to bypass entering the syconium entirely. Instead, they insert their pollinators deep inside to reach the flowers where the galls form, completely sidestepping the pollination process. Shame on you, cheating wasp!


Here is me trying to dish out justice to one of those cheaters.


"You're not the nature police! Let it go!" someone shouted. So I let it go. You can see that the ovipositor is more than double—or even triple—its body length. Truly, there is no honor among thieves.


Shame on you for walking untaxed while the rest of us pay our fair share!

I know all this talk about wasps in figs might make you wonder if the crunchy bits in your fig bar are insect bones. Rest assured, most supermarket figs in North America are self-fertilizing and don't require wasps for pollination.

Here's a fruit bat eating one of those figs, completely oblivious to the entire ecosystem living inside it. Notice how it spits out the chewed fig, effectively planting its seeds wherever it goes.



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